The Sacred No.
No. I have heard this word my whole life, but the true power and potential it holds did not click until recently. No; one word, two letters, with so much access. A word, often seen as an ending or a limitation, but in reality, is actually a portal to so much more. One no can open the door to so much Yes. A life lived with true embodied potential begins with these two letters. Have you given yourself permission to use your No in this way? If you are someone like me you may have tried and gotten lost somewhere along the way.
No is often one of the first words we learn to say. When we are young, No rings clear and true in our hearts. It echoes out into the world with conviction. Over time, our No, with clearly defined edges, becomes undefined and mixed in with our need to fit in and be loved. We grow up, and as we do, we lose sight of this powerful portal, that within it, holds so much potential and empowerment.
What happens when our No begins to fade?
I was a sensitive child who grasped onto her No by her fingertips until it slowly fell from my white knuckled grasp. They called me Princess No Can Do. That was a nickname that stuck and my family often joked about my No disposition. If I would have realized how powerful a conviction this was, I would have tried to hold on longer. Instead, I buried it in shame. As a young child in school, I learned that I had to say yes to fit into the frame of the world, to be loved. What my mind pushed down, my body could not forget and I have spent years now as an adult reclaiming this part of myself, regaining my No. To be able to stand on this hallowed ground and stare into the limitless potential of all that is available here at this threshold, even if for a moment, has been a true gift.
My process of reclaiming my No has come with a spectrum of grief. As I process my own feelings of what was lost I am called to remember and recognize those, including those parts of me, who fall within this spectrum of grieving as well.
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I grieve for the part of me that never had the chance to say No. To those of you who have pushed your no so far down that you do not even realize it is an option. Those of you who feel a pit in your stomach each time a yes surfaces without thought. I see you.
I grieve for the part of me who said No and was unjustly criticized or attacked. To those of you who have suffered for your No, died for it, felt like you were breaking because you vocalized it. I see you.
I grieve for the part of me whose No was not honored even if the words were spoken. To those who turned on themselves in order to survive because their words were not acknowledged. I see you.
I acknowledge the part of me that had to repeat my No and did not give up. Keep using your voice. I can not promise that you are safe, but you are a true warrior in a world where just saying yes is glorified. A world where our yeses are silently eating us alive from the inside out.
I applaud the part of me who remains soft in spite of all the times my sacred No was not honored. This type of bravery is the thing that will change the world, even if you do not see it in your lifetime.
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To this day, each time an opportunity to say No presents itself to me, I pick myself up, stand at the threshold and stare into the portal of all that my sacred No has to offer. Each time I stand here in this place, my knees start to buckle and my voice becomes shaky. Sometimes I cross over the threshold and sometimes I do not. I am still learning what it feels like to honor this part of myself that lives deep down inside, that knows what is best. That doesn’t need to remain small to survive. I am still learning that I can say no and live, fully. That I will not only survive my No, but thrive because of it.
To anyone who is reclaiming this part of yourself. I see you. Keep going. May we remember what No feels like in our bodies. May we feel safe here in this sacred space together…one breath at a time.
